I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
