If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
