Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
