So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
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I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
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im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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