so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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