my mouth tastes like poor choices
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
