woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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