wake up i wanna do it froggy style
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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