speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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