I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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