I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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