Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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