If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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