Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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