He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
