The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
handjob tips. give me some.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
