Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
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I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
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After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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