I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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