This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
