So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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