carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
