Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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