Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You're like the curious george of whores
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
