it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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