Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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