I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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