I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
