I wanna passion pit in your ass
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
