i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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