After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
