Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
