whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
