I'm gonna have a badass scar
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
