your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
