Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
