I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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