Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
