So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
