i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
did i walk over a car last night?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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