those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
