Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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