im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
