Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
