im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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