If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Everything about him screamed your future.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
