im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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