Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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