Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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