Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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