Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
That accounts for only three of the penises
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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