Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
