Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm lost and stupid without you.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
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I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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