i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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