How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
These tits shall not be calmed
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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