My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
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Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
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How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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