Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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