I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
