Please, let me fuck your mom
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
