just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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